… that some adoptive parents on various discussion boards and blogs out there on the World Wide cyber-Web-space Inter-blog-net-osphere have been talking about someone named Ji In and Someone-Named-Ji-In’s blog.
Do you ever get the feeling that you’re being watched?
My sources also tell me that apparently, according to some interpretations, I am any number of combinations of: bitter, negative, overly sensitive, judgmental, bound for an eternal hell, and that I pretty much hate my adoptive parents.
Which strikes me as pretty damn funny, because — well, duh! It is my sole mission in life to live up to the misanthropic, parent-hating, Angry Adult Adoptee persona. I thought I made that perfectly clear. No? Dag nabbit, I guess I’ll have to try even harder from now on.
Adoptive parents = axis of evil. Down with whitey! Adoption is the work of Satan! The world sucks! I hate stuff!
It bemuses me that there seems to be an underlying assumption that what I’ve written on my blog is the sum total of my life, my outlook and my thought processes, in toto. If all I ever thought or talked about in real life was what I blog, then I think I’d come across as a heckuva lot worse off than just bitter. I blog here to vent some steam. To work out the kinks. I blog the storm clouds more than I blog the sunshine, so not to let too much rain spill over into the rest of my life outside of the rice cooker.
I get love letters from a-parents who condemn me for spewing what they see as anti-adoption doom upon their existence and their adopted children’s existence, wishing that I’d instead paint rainbows, happy puppies and smiley faces across the Internet and talk about the silver lining and the blessings rather than the upsetting stuff.
The puppies ain’t the point here, mommies. This is my blog, my outlet. Clearly, those readers who send hate mail to me, accusing me of poisoning the punch at their picnic when they think I should be dishing up pink fluff salad instead have missed the boat, and won’t be paddling out to join me.
That’s too bad, because those are the very people who could stand to take a good, hard look at themselves, their motives and their choices regarding adoption. And while teaching a course on Intercountry Adoption Theory is not the intent of my blog, at least some of my posts seem to be striking a needed chord with some people out there, and that is one of the many reasons why I haven’t shut my blog down completely.
Password-protected posts coming up, and coming up fast. Password holders, you know what to do.
I told you that you were the evil leader of the bitter adoptee insurrection. That makes me terribly sad. Why is it that some aparents subscribe to this “you’re either with us or against us” mentality? And I seriously hate that when people sum a person up by a few posts forgetting that there’s a whole other person behind the blog with a life, an actual life. Do you troll their forums and blogs? If not maybe you should but oh…I forgot, you have an actual life.
Ji-in, maybe your hitting too many nerves and stepping on too many toes. What strikes me as odd is that some aparents seem to have the constant need to justify and defend their actions and motives. Why?
For what it’s worth, I hope the disgruntled a-parents out there lay off the hater-ade. I hope you aren’t too fazed by it.
In a world where (supposedly) honest opinions are valued, it’s hilariously ironic that the people who need to listen to them the most are also the ones who are the least receptive to doing just that: listening.
Right on Ji-in.
Oh Ji-in, didn’t you know? The whole, wide world (and internet) was made by and for white people, and we’re just lucky to be in it. So why don’t you put on your happy face and do a little happy dance for us, huh?
Seriously though, this reminds me of an email list I was on a long time ago. The list was supposed to be for “hapas”, but some of the most vocal posters were white men married to Asian women. They didn’t like the fact that we weren’t ECSTATIC about being “rainbow” “bridge” “children” [insert other nauseating metaphors here], and one even swore that he would never let his own mixed child come anywhere near us “bitter, angry hapas”.
It’s really infuriating that these parents are so unwilling to listen to what grown adoptees have to say, and it strikes me as so symptomatic of how adoptees are treated like eternal children who lack the authority to talk about their experience, unless it’s to express gratitude.
FWIW Ji-in I hope that there are far more a-parents who are just bloody grateful that they have the opportunity to learn a bit more. I’ll be the first to admit that sometimes it is challenging to read or hear the thoughts of (adult) intercountry adoptees but I know I try to put my feelings aside and listen to what you & others have to say because maybe, just maybe it might make me a better parent. I know I am not alone either – please be heartened…whilst most of us a-parents understand it is not your intention to educate us that IS a bi product of your blog….and there are many of of that are grateful to learn.
I’m a lot like you. I blog more the storm-clouds and the sunshine. I can’t help but laugh when people seem to think that my blog sums me up, which it seems some ppl are doing with you. Just ignore the hate mail and the nasty comments. This your blog. Your voice. Everyone else should just sitback and listen or leave.
I find it really interesting reading your perspective in life. It’s your life. Your perspective. Again, if people don’t want to know about it, they don’t have to read it.
I hate it when people think that life has to be one path, which is full of sunshine, flowers and prancing fawns. -_-
Keep on writing!
It doesn’t surprise me at all – as an a-mom I can tell you that there are no sources in adoption-land that tell us what you are telling us – all the literature we ever see is the puppies, kitties, and love-is-enough-to-conquer-everything kind. Whether you like it or not, whether you intended to or not – you are opening a whole new world of thought to many many people. Some don’t like it. Big surprise.
I’m grateful also for the list of other blogs you list – like sume’s. How would I have found them otherwise? Guess I could have googled “Angry Asian Adoptees” but it didn’t occur to me.
And I’m grateful that you are opening a way for me to understand what is going on in my daughters’ hearts and minds. Since I’ve started writing what you wrote, we have already had more meaningful eye-opening discussions about adoption – and they are only 7 and 4.
So even if you did not intend to do so – you have given us a huge gift, and we thank you.
“I try to put my feelings aside and listen to what you & others have to say because maybe, just maybe it might make me a better parent.”
Ji-in, if any quotes keep you going, this one should! I guess I’d be ignorant to say I’m surprised to hear about the strong negative response you’re getting from these aparents, but it seems like you have the right attitude about it. I’m so glad you’re not letting it get you down.
When I get criticisms like that with my writing, the first reaction (after being baffled) I have is to step back and ask myself if it’s really legitimate and where it’s coming from. It seems you’ve done a great job with that though.
Keep up the fight. . .get your voice out there. . .we’ll listen!
hi Ji-in,
Sorry but not surprised (I’ve read some of the posts I think you have in mind) that many a-parents are too wrapped up in their stereotypes to see what you actually have to say. Or to acknowledge that this is your blog and, therefore, your space.
Another very grateful a-parent here – thank you for letting us come.
Sara
Ji-in, I just don’t think it’s a-parents that are guilty of this close-mindedness. American culture teaches people that doubt about ones own motives for doing anything is a sign of weakness, and that it is ALWAYS someone elses fault if things go wrong. Basically, it’s stupid for take responsibility for anything if you can shove it off on someone else. It is this mentality that keeps so many people in this society from growing as individuals, keeps so many social interactions fake as hell, and keeps real social and cultural change from happening.
I don’t know what the solution is, but these hating a-parents are just another symptom of a much larger American cultural and social disease. It’s so much easier to blame someone else than to take responsibility for ones actions and to do some inner soul searching.
Keep on trucking, I know you will.
I smiled at your Axis of Evil metaphor. Which then prompted me to wonder, are these parents painting you as W. or bin Laden? Guess it depends upon one’s political leanings. Regardless, they need to ask themselves, who’s spewing the hate here?
My patience for a-parents who refuse to listen to what we have to say and who cannot look at themselves objectively continues to wear thin. As I tend to avoid a-parents for the most part, it will be interesting to see what happens at the KAAN conference this summer in Seoul. I have this mental image of many of those a-parents becoming ultra-controlling in an environment where they are the marked foreigners.
Here I am an A-mom who feels pretty much like you do about blogging . . . it has to be all roses and sunshine. You see, I’m an a-mom and I “asked” for this. I should be happy with my kids no matter what. Aren’t I grateful to have these little blessings?
Other a-parents don’t only bash you, they bash anyone who rocks their world. If you don’t have something good to say, don’t say anything at all seems to be the prevelant mantra.
Phooey. In my house life is normal and my kids drive me nuts. Not because they are a-kids, but because they are kids. Period.
What you give me is prep for the future. Who knows how the world will view IA in 10 or 20 years when my kids are grappling with their own a-demons.
Shoot, my parents were totally non-existent for me dealing with my own (bio) demons and I don’t want my kids to feel that way when they are struggling to comprehend this whole adoption thing.
As for the parents who lash and bash . . . for shame! You unenlightened folks, haven’t you ever heard of FREE SPEECH! Why in the world did you even get into adoption if you can’t handle it??????
Well I for one don’t believe your blog is the end all be all of who you are – at least I hope not.
I can only comment of what you do end of blogging about. If you recall your blogs they are mostly negative, which is fine. I understand about needing an outlet to vent. But really, people can only comment on what you put out there.
Try showing the up side sometime. I’m sure you’ll get comments on that also. Of course, you can always delete the comments you don’t want showing up.
Krick
Many members of the Yahoo group a-parents-china like this blog, or at least find it worth reading. The positive impressions are especially prevalent among the most prolific and well-informed posters. Here’s just one of many comments I’ve seen lately, from an adoptive mother…
>
Also, members have expressed indignation that Ji-in received hate mail from some weirdos. I hope the author is pleased to hear that she actually has ardent fans among adoptive parents!
Sorry, that quote got cut. Here’s what just a few a-parents (not me) on a major discussion board had to say about Twice the Rice…
The blog written by this young lady was excellent, not only in content, but in writing style and subtle humor.
Adoption is, I believe, a complex issue with multiple layers that some
of our children will unravel more than others. Ji-in was kind enough to
share some of her insights with us.
I started reading the TtR blog after hearing about it on this group and admit that for every laugh it gives me it also makes me wonder what I am
doing. And I think this is a really REALLY good thing.
(Regarding the hate mail and temporary disappearance of the blog:)
I really liked having blogs like hers as a resource, and I am so disappointed that this expression has been suppressed, apparently by the people who need to read it the most.
And there’s a lot more where that came from. I think the fans of TtR truly outnumber the hatas, even among a-parents.
Ji-in,
I had a feeling that you would be posting about this, as I saw TTR pop up on a couple of posts over at “shinyhappypeople.com” (not the real name as you well know, but truly that list feels so white-washed and homogenized that it could be sometimes..). As an a-parent who is very grateful for your posts and your insight (as hard as it may be for me to read sometimes…), please know that the haters are not people that I would ever want to be lumped in with. In fact, I have encountered them, and truly feel sad for their children, and disgusted with their intolerance.
I don’t understand people who went into adoption thinking that it was going to be perfect and sunny and happy 24/7…..my sister (and only sibling) is a transracial adoptee, and living that reality my entire life was still not a complete training ground for dealing with the emotions that popped up after bringing my daughter home. Not only has TTR given me food for thought when dealing with my daughter and the reactions to our family, but it has opened up a dialogue with my sister that has brought so much to our relationship. So, thank you for still putting your thoughts out there…even in the face of such ignorance.
Ji-in,
I think you’re right — people assume that what you write here is all there is. Maybe they didn’t keep journals/diaries as kids. I know that when I look back at any of my journals — from teenager-dom to now — I see mostly storm clouds and pain. It’s a great way to work things out. When we’re happy and life is a gas, we’re too in the moment to write, we’re too busy enjoying the fleeting nature of joy. Get it while you can!
I guess some people are threatened by some of the not-so-positive stuff you write about being an adoptee. Who wants to imagine that their child is nothing but overjoyed to be a part of their family? It’s not easy stuff to listen to, but boy is it necessary. I know you didn’t set out to educate, but you have, and as a person just starting the adoption process, I value what you and other adoptees write, what birth/first/natural mothers write, and the writings of compassionate adoptive parents. We all have to do the best we can with a sticky situation, and listening is a step.
By the way, you’ve got great links! Love the Zulu grass jewelry!
Erin
It’s true Ji-in, you’ve made a splash on some of the a-parent lists. But many a-parents are talking about you and your blog very positively. It is giving us a lot of insight and food for thought and many of us appreciate the opportunity to learn more.
What I love about your reality check is that you do it with a sense of humor. These issues are painful, but being able to laugh at the same time helps.
My 14 year old (Chinese adoptee) is reading your blog and she finds it very amusing. I’m sure it won’t be long before she is blogging her own experiences and being labeled as an AAA (Angry Asian Adoptee) as well. She will wear the label proudly!
I’m about to be an a-mom. I found your blog because it was a hot topic of conversation on an adoptive parents forum. Rest assured, the a-parents who sent you hate mail got a tounge lashing on the forum. The rest of us, myself included, have said we would gladly pay good money to read what you’ve written. If there is any way to make my daughter’s life better, I’ll do it, and you are giving me valuable insight.
Also, I really love your sense of humor. So many of your posts make me laugh out loud (or squirm uncomfortably depending on the topic). “Mirror, mirror on the wall” really stuck close to home. I like to call those mirrors “suicide mirrors.” There is a store where I live that not only puts florescent lights in the dressing rooms, but also equips each dressing cubicle with its own three-way mirror so you can view cellulite you never knew you had in places you’ve never seen before. What could they be thinking?!
Rebecca P
I’m an a-parent and can tell you that I have dropped most of the adoption discussion boards that I once belonged to for the “puppies and rainbows” reason. It sad and scary that these really well educated, supposedly intelligent parents just can’t stand to deal with the real stuff. I still belong to one board and after the NPR broadcast on transracial adoption, foolishly mentioned that perhaps agencies should have workshops dealing with race issues, in addition to the cultural ones. The whole board went quiet for about 3 days until someone posted a potty training question and ten people replied…
This is why I loved your kitty adoption blog so much – there is no where out there where you can read satire about adoption. It is some kind of holy, sacred topic – no one can poke fun or laugh at themselves, or ask the really hard questions through sarcasm. So please keep writing and ignore the fearful, prying eyes…
I’m one of the a-parents that found out about you on “that” board. Not all of us are saying nasty things about you. I’m so thankful to be able to read your thoughts…good or bad…about your adoption experience. My daughter is only two now and I have a LOT to learn. You keep typing and I’ll keep reading.
Ji-in,
I am sorry that you are still getting grief from clueless a-parents. You are right that this is your blog for you to write whatever you are thinking and feeling at the moment that you feel the need to write (which probably does not reflect what you are thinking and feeling when you feel the need to try to teach your new kittens to play fetch or whatever you do for fun).
As an a-parent, I think it is important that I remember that this forum is about YOU – not about me – not even about my daughter. Your job is to find a way to work through the difficult issues in an effort to improve your own mental health. We ALL have that same job for ourselves, and I happen to think that you are particularly good at it.
Enjoying the spiked – not poisoned – punch,
Patricia
PS – you should see what APC (a giant Yahoo! Chinese adoption board) is saying about the Onion article on Vietnamese adoption. I’m sure some of the same people who are giving you grief are the ones making total idiots out of themselves. Next thing you know they will be objecting to eating Irish children for dinner.
I’ve typed and erased several times as I try to figure out what I want to say here. Everything becomes too wordy. The bottom line is that there are a lot of idiots out there. For some, unfortunately, it will be a permanent condition. For others, it’s a momentary lapse driven by fear. Becoming a parent is something I truly want to happen, but it also scares the living daylights out of me. I know I will not be a perfect mother, and I don’t want to raise a perfect child. I hope that the child I raise is passionate, articulate, and confidant. In short, a lot like you, Ji-in. It’s my opinion that more adoptive parents are like me than you might suspect. We’re the ones searching for information, trying to learn, and not necessarily jumping to post the first thoughts that cross our mind. I’ll admit that what I read on the Internet scares me sometimes, but that’s a good thing. It makes me think and prepare knowing that what an adult transracial adoptee is saying could well be what my child says some day. Good or bad. My husband and I are working to learn more about the Chinese culture and language by getting to know Chinese people. We will never, however, become Chinese. Just like my daughter will never become an overweight Hungarian Jewish/Irish Catholic woman born in Mexico and raised in the South. My hope is that we can still be a family whose dinner table might serve dumplings or stir-fry or goulash or enchiladas, or even cabbage, if my husband isn’t home.
It’s still too long, but I wanted you, Ji-in, to know how important it is for us to read what you and other adult adoptees have to say. Please don’t let those driven by fear keep you or anyone else here from saying what we need to hear. I also wanted to thank you for doing this. It can’t be easy, but this will help the next generation of transracial adoptees.
I am a prospective a-parent who just found your blog a few weeks ago. I wanted you to know how great it has been to read your blog and the blogs of other adults who were adopted as children.
I know that educating adoptive parents is really not your motive or your point, and nor should it be, but I feel that your blog should be required reading for anyone out there planning on adopting! Anyone of us planning on adopting, especially if that adoption will mean creating a transracial family, should be thinking about, talking about, and consciously engaging with issues of race, class, culture, and global capitalism. We should all be conscious that adoption means that our children will have issues of loss to work out in their lives, and we will need to be there to help them through it. And we should be accepting of the fact that our children have ties to another set of parents, and that those ties are important and valid and should be valued.
I hope that as an adoptive parent I will learn from you and others in your shoes, and that some day my son or daughter will be able to think about and understand their lives as thoughtfully and articulately as you do in your blog. Many thanks.
All A-parents don’t have their minds closed and heads in the sand and everyone who posted a response on the “other list” didn’t describe you as bitter. You had as many defenders as detractors. I concurr with the a-parent who said that they are grateful for reading your perspective and that there are no sources for information on views other than happy smiling faces, ladybugs [NOT kittens] and sunshine. I’m only sad that I don’t have access to the adoption part of your blog anymore and I wish all those other people hadn’t found out about it.
Our first referral was for a child far older than anticipated. I read EVERYTHING I could find about adopting older kids–even the “scary” stuff–so that I could be prepared to be a better mama. It amazed me how many people rejected reading certain books because they were deemed “negative.” It was like a ritual to only read good stuff and then nothing bad will happen. Life doesn’t work that way. I figure if I read everything, even the scary unhappy stuff, I have a far better chance of dealing with my kids and what they are dealing with than if all I do is go to happy FCC meetings and bake cookies. I prefer to be enlightened about all perspectives.
And if I really find someone’s point of view unpleasant or unhelpful, I don’t have to read it. I have yet to experience my computer forcing me to a blog/website nor have I figured out how my computer might force me to read something that someone has written on a blog. Perhaps its some sort of new technology…….
I second Andi’s comment, “I hope that there are far more a-parents who are just bloody grateful that they have the opportunity to learn a bit more”. As a white a-parent, I know I don’t fully understand white privilege, and any opportunity to see it more clearly is a gift. Similarly, I don’t fully understand, and will never fully understand, what it’s like to be an adoptee or trans-racial adoptee, but I can hope to understand more. Your blog, through your willingness to share it, is an incredible opportunity, a window into a world I will never inhabit, but that my daughter does.
I can understand why your posts would make a-parents uncomfortable; for me, it opens up questions like, did my husband and I do the right thing, or did we, albeit unwittingly, support the continuation of foreign adoption when these children should, by rights, be growing up at least in their birth country, if not in their birth families. It’s hard to look at. But for me, I’d rather look at it that pretend it doesn’t exist. I know my daughter will look at whether I do or not.
I don’t understand why a-parents would send you hate mail, and as part of that group, I’m appalled and saddened. I’m sad for their children, too.
I’m not an a-parent. Just an infertile daughter of a birth mother who lost her first child to 1950’s style Americana adoption. I admit, as someone who even considers adopting, your words are painful but I’m trying to learn something from yours and other adoptee experiences. But I don’t always know what I’m learning because my emotions are so mixed with it. Sometimes I feel that I will be an evil and hated baby snatcher if I adopt. Sometimes I think the message is – open adoption! But I’ve read problems with that as well. Sometimes I think I’m to learn to be childless and that would be better for everyone! I’m not sure. And I’ve kind of figured out that your blog is to vent, it is for you, and is not devised as a therapy session for a-parents to figure out how to raise their Chinese children best.
I think those who come to this blog as a-parents should accept your blog for being what it is – your authentic experiences.
what can I say? my people (AP’s) are an ornery lot. I can hardly stand myself some days….
Well your sources are right, “they” have been talking about you. One of my favorite comments was from someone who was asking what she could do to prevent her daughter from feeling angry (like you). I wanted to tell her that she was asking the wrong people, you’re the only one who can potentially answer that, but I really don’t think it’s worth the effort to respond to such things.
And, I’ve tried three times now to request a password, but keep getting the following error message:
Oops!
We can only accept forms that come from a Tripod URL. Sorry!
Any ideas?
-M
Ji-in, I owe you an apology. As a member of the a-parents yahoo list, I read the recent post from a woman in the adoption process after she read your blog for the first time. She was asking if other a-parents had suggestions on ways to help our children work through their adoption losses so that maybe they wouldn’t be bitter regarding their adoptions later in life. She seemed to genuinely to want to better prepare herself to parent to an adopted child, although some responses to her post were very defensive on your behalf and critical of her for asking the question, thereby implying that she didn’t want her daughter to have any negative feelings.
I posted a response to the a-parents group that I now realize must have been the one that was interpreted as implying that you are judgmental and overly sensitive. Although most of my post focused on what I have learned from Korean adoptees’ writings in general, I did write specifically about you:
From what I can tell from her blog, Ji-in actually seems like a well balanced woman. She obviously has some resentment about how she is treated as an Asian adoptee in the United States, but she seems to handle her frustration with grace and humor, even if the humor often has a sarcastic, biting edge to it. Sometimes I think her judgments of people are pretty harsh and unfair, but understandable considering what she has probably endured in silence for most of her life. Sometimes I think she is being overly sensitive, but then I think of all the times I am overly sensitive…
Re-reading my own words, I can see how this paragraph could be interpreted as critical of you, and for that I am sorry, because that was not at all my intention. By sharing what I’ve learned and then showing her that it was in spite of (or maybe because of) the fact that some of it made me cringe, I was trying to encourage the original poster, and anyone who might think similarly, to continue seeking perspectives from those of you who can give us the most insight into what our children will experience as Asian adoptees.
I don’t visit your site to get warm feelings or validation about our adoption from China; those are a dime a dozen. I visit it because I respect your opinions and because I learn a lot from your perspective that I hope will help me be a better parent to our daughter, which is something far more valuable to me than any warm fuzzy.
It is probably out of my own ignorance that I sometimes think your judgments are harsh, just as others who have never walked in my shoes will sometimes think my judgments are harsh. That doesn’t mean I don’t appreciate and respect your judgments, nor would I ever try to convince you to reconsider any of them. I fully appreciate that this is your blog, and you don’t owe any of us a-parents anything.
On the other hand, I do feel that I owe you my gratitude and respect for having the guts to put your feelings out there for all of us to read. So I hope you’ll accept my apology and allow us a-parents to continue lurking and learning from you. I’ll be the first to admit that I have a lot to learn.
Sincerely,
Anne
*stifling a scoff*
Yeah, Ji-in, “Try showing the up side sometime.”
*upchucking* Whatever! Would you like to rain hellfire and damnation on that prozac-sponsored comment, or should I?
Oh, never mind. This is why I’m FAR too much of a cynic to have my own blog. I’ll just keep on reading yours instead, and pretend I wrote your posts myself!
Mindy and others,
Sorry for the problems that the form is giving you. I’ve received many form submissions, so I know that the form is working for some people, but a couple others have mentioned that it is not letting them submit.
If you are unable to submit the form, please leave a comment here instead, with your name, e-mail address, URL of your Web site or blog (if you have one), how your first found my blog, and a brief explanation of why you’d like to obtain a password.
Since I use comment moderation, I’ll intercept your submission and only use it to respond to your request. None of your information will show up here.
First, I’d like to say I really enjoy reading your blog. I appreciate your honesty about your experiences as an adoptee. Its sad that all those people were sending you all that angry e-mail. I hope you decide to keep your blog going.
Sharon
ji-in: how’s it going? if you get a chance, backchannel me (a term i learned from another blogger to mean: e-mail me off blog). i want to ask you a question about all of this.
i had no idea so many a-parents read your blog. perhaps they are the enlightened few? to hell with those who write you hate mail! if they think you are angry, they’ve never met some of the KADs I know!
i led a discussion group once at a public library on this issue, and the frequency of the stupid questions and surprise at adoptees’ anger was unbearable.
in KAD solidarity, with much love—lee.
*hugs* thank you for bringing a smile to my otherwise angst-filled night, fellow vent-ee =) like you’ve said before… this is your blog and your space to vent, so as hard as it is to hear negative heresay flying above your head (much like an annoying swarm of mozzies mebbe?)… hang in there ji-in. you’re doing fine and remember that there are way more people than not who would shower you with warm fuzzies anytime!
Just wanted to add my two cents: I’m another (prospective) aparent who values your blog, particularly what you have to say about transracial adoption issues. I have learned alot from your perspectives and insights, and my husband and I talk about the issues you raise a lot.
Also, here in Milwaukee, our homestudy agency makes sure to educate prospective aparents about the politics and ethics and psychosocial dimensions of transracial adoption. They don’t sugarcoat the adoption process and tell prospective aparents that it they don’t like hearing about these issues, then maybe IA/transracial adoption isn’t for them. So it seems that some of this infomation is starting to get out there…
Seriously, Ji-in what can I say other than white folks SUCK! Why, or why do they have to ruin everything? Geeze…
To the nasty, angry, bitter white a-parents out there: GET OVER YOURSELVES!
with respect and admiration,
diana
With all due respect, it seems like your blog is not intended to dialogue with a-parents, no? It definitely seems like more of a meeting ground for Korean adoptees and other adoptees to share experiences, anger, etc. A-parents can watch, listen, agree, disagree, but this definitely doesn’t seem like it’s about them, IMO.
Ji-in,
I am sure you already know your blog is excellently written, very entertaining, frequently moving and extremely insightful. I am not an adoptee, nor an adoptee parent and nevertheless consider your writings a worthwhile and mind-broadening read.
If people are so narrow-minded as to be unable to read things they disagree with, without spewing hate-mail at you, something is seriously wrong with them.
Keep up the excellent work.
Warmly,
Oanh
“White folks SUCK!”?? That’s not cool.
Thanks, Lee, Aemii, Avi and Oanh (and all the many, many others).
Jenny, given the tone of what I wrote in my original post, I wouldn’t take Diana’s comment to heart too much, if I were you.
Avi completely agree. I AM an a-parent and am grateful that I have the opportunity to listen & learn. I definitely don’t think it is my place to agree or disagree (or the place of any of us a-parents to do this). Ji-in’s experience is her experience. I imagine some of her experience might at some time or another mirror the experience of my children so this gives me an opportunity to think about this and learn. I’m glad Ji-in’s blog is not about dialouging with us and I hope we a-parents are not hijacking this. There are enough forums for us aparents. This is such a unique opportunity. As someone else said there is NOTHING in our formal adoption education or compulsory readings that even come close to giving us the same insight….the same chance to learn… as this and the blogs of other adoptees do. We are thankful we are even able to read this.
JI-in, I’ve only been reading your blog for a few months (found it on another blog) but I have to say that I really appreciate your honesty. The things you write are your feelings and opinions and if people dont agree with you they dont have to READ. Personally, I dont want to read all the “fluff” that are on some blogs…give me the cold hard truth! As a future adoptive parent, I find your perspective interesting and I will continue reading.
Aaaaah… something has clicked for me to put all this “down with whitey adoptee parent” into perspective. But as an infertile who frequents infertile blogs, one of my favorites has the most scathing comics and humorous writing about “preggers”. Preggers are betrayed as bratty divas with brains made of oatmeal and perpetual bad manners towards infertiles and a-moms. Now of course the author of this blog does not truly despise all pregnant women! Still, some preggers who visit this blog (go figure) do get all bent out of shape. This infertile blog, with all of its caustic wit, is meant to humorously deal with all of the crap that infertiles have to deal with, and all of the stupid ass-vice that infertiles often receive from preggers. I think infertiles deserve this – they deserve to gather and laugh at the stupidity of it all.
So what I’ve learned as an infertile who has just started looking at Ji-in’s blog – when it comes to outstanding bitter humour, which Ji-in is so adept with – grain of salt everybody, grain of salt. And I think any adoptee who has had hell to deal with deserves to laugh a bit at sanctimonious whitey adoptee parent with brains of cheese even if that’s not the whole story – because I’m sure it’s part of it.