So how many of you with blogs have let your real-life friends & family members in on the action? What about co-workers? Is your blog a secret? Is it something you haven’t mentioned, but haven’t gone to lengths to hide either? Or, a juicier question: How many of you have been “outed”? Has someone found you out and spilled the beans? Do you have an online nickname, and someone from real life has leaked your real ID, to real-life consequences?
More than one of my real-life friends and family members read my blog — some because I have shared it with them, and others by happenstance (Googlage, word of mouth, freak accidents). Most recently, one of the real-life peeps in the happenstance category has been frequenting the joint.
I believe this person, whom I will call RLR (Real-Life Reader), thinks I do not know that s/he knows about it, and I expect RLR is amused at my blogging escapades, judging from the number of hits that RLR has contributed to my page stats over the past few weeks. I have been aware of this development almost since RLR’s first visit but have said nothing, waiting instead to see if RLR delurks or surfaces to say hello.
I can also hypothesize that RLR has shared his/her discovery with some buddies, whose identities I can also make educated guesses about. And I’m OK with that. To each his/her own. (And if any of them care enough about what I write on my blog that they’re reading this now, fine. Read your hearts out. Maybe you’ll learn something new. Say ‘hi’ if the urge strikes. Doesn’t mean I’m going to let any of you stay in my spare bedrooms, though.)
Why am I not running around like a headless chicken, covering my tracks and password-protecting as if my humility depended on it? Because I am so over that kind of blog-o-drama, and I think that if RLR is taking that much time out of the day to keep tabs on what I blog about, then all the better for the both of us, I think.
(Of course, there is always the possibility that RLR is merely checking to see whether or not I have mentioned him/her. I suppose I would do the same!)
Despite the fact that I had not openly shared my blog URL with this person or invited RLR to read it already, I had, in fact, considered telling RLR about it on occasion, but had decided against doing so for various reasons. Now that the jig is up, I guess I am more or less at peace with it.
A lot of things have changed over the past several years for me that not all those close to me have been privy to, and that’s probably true for RLR as well. I would hope that we’re both in vastly more mature, less antagonistic places in our respective lives after all these years, so that it’s less about voyeurism, more about understanding. I henceforth leave my e-door open to RLR, and an e-light on for good measure.
On another note, allow me to take this opportunity to put in my periodic plug for next summer’s IKAA Gathering in Seoul, open to all adult Korean adoptees, our spouses/partners and kids. Fellow (grown-up) KADs: What’s so great about these gatherings that you, too, should consider going? Because 700+ of us from around the world can’t all be completely off our rockers. (Hmm. Then again, probably best not to hold me to that statement.) Come find out for yourselves.
Hey Ji-in, when are you going to write a book? You have the talent and all the notes you need already. “If you write it…they will read”.
Here is my thought on the matter- Most of what I post is benign ramblings that I could care less if folks read. But, just as I dont go into work and discuss my sex life with peers, I dont talk about my adoption much. So, if they read it, find, they might get new insight into my life. But, in my life, I run in many circles, and sometimes, I just want to keep them seperate.
so true so true! i’ve had people i’ve met and am acquainted with…DENY that they read my blog. and then guess what? i see they’re subscribed to it on bloglines or something.
it’s so funny how we try to cover up our “privacy” in weird ways, when it’s just more refreshing to be out with it!
I bow to this excellent ‘outing’ of RLR – so gracefully done… almost jealous that I didn’t use a similar method. You’re so classy, Ji-in. I’m not that good at deciphering ip addresses and such but I know that a certain lurker from my real life sure does visit my site a lot, for someone who’s supposed to be out of my life.
So far, only a few people know about mine, and only because I was willing to let them know about it… (keeping my fingers crossed) Ha, would love to see if this delurks the lurker!
Hm, I wonder if the Nabis can work on being in Seoul at the same time… it’d be lovely to grab a lunch or dinner or even do a noraebang with you. (okay, the last part is not really feasible since I refuse to sing in public – something about sounding like a drowning walrus, not pleasant)
Hi there,
I am one of those RLR’s who saw a link to your blog elsewhere. I am also one of the China Adoption moms. Today is my first time to visit your blog, and I must say that I really value your view on things. I try very hard to do what is “right” by our daughter, and, the truth is, I think parenthood is trial and error. I have experienced that with both of my children, regardless of how they came into our family. At any rate, it is interesting to hear your first hand perspective on things. Thank you for making your blog public, and I hope that you don’t mind me peeking in every once in a while.
Cindy Smith
Hi, Cindy — Actually, just for the record, the RLR(s) I was referring to are the folks who know me in real life (or, as the kids are saying these days, IRL). I don’t believe we’ve been acquainted (?).
Interesting fact: I have met one of the above commenters IRL!
Being found out is real cringe maker, isn’t it? I guess it’s also a testimony to the power of Google and the other search engines. Spooky how Big Brother is always there. Er, except for Sitemeter and StatCounter the best inventions out there.
The two times that I’ve had RLR, unwanted ones at that, are the exact reasons why I’ve closed my previous blogs. I’m impressed that you’re at peace with it. I’m still in that indignant “how dare you open the door, don’t you know I’m naked in here?” kind of reaction. I know full well how silly and childish that is but how else to explain it?
Mad snaps to you for this post. I hope your lurker has reached that same level of maturity as you and at the very least has the common courtesy of saying hello.
it would be kinda strange to meet with a rlr/irl. they’d know so much on what’s current in my life and yet i’d be out of the loop with theirs. plus, there aren’t too many people in ‘real life’ i’d want reading my blog…other than maybe my hus. even then, i’ve noticed i still censor what i say ’cause i know he reads it. interesting.
My blog is not for RL consumption. Its for the other side of me.
Google is the reason I moved my blog. It seems I am the only one in the world who uses my nick name. Google it and there I am in all my glory.
kjungs — Yeah. In my experience, there’s a marked difference between (A) the real-life folks whom I already knew who happen to come upon my blog (by invitation or by chance), and (B) the people I have met IRL as a result of, or thanks to, my blog, or their blogs.
Of course the RLR(s) I was referring to in this post are of the category A. Like Jaye says, there is a certain amount of aghast indignation, almost like violation of privacy, upon finding out about the readership of category A if they are uninvited. Silly, given that blogs are so publicly accessible. A reality check, I guess.
As for the folks I have met as a result of our blogs, it’s much less of a naked feeling if we’ve already corresponded in some manner before the meeting — and especially if they have blogs, too. I don’t have a problem with those kinds of encounters. In fact, I have a few of these category B folks with whom I have become rather good friends.
At least with the RLR in question (in my blog entry), I had already been down that road mentally, and had gone through the “what ifs.” What if RLR found my blog? How would I feel about that? I actually even went back and removed passwords on several of my posts when I realized RLR was “here.” Foolish, perhaps. Meh. Whatev.
My partner reads my blog, and tells me when I’ve missed grammatical errors
Other than that, the only other RLRs have told me they read my blog but have also told me that it doesn’t tell them what I am doing with myself because it is “too abstract”.
It would be polite of your RLR to say hi though …
And Jaye (sorry Ji-in to overtake your comment column) pleased to see you! Sorry your blog is gone
yeah, i am past that blog o drama too. in the past I would blog, stop, hide, change names, etc. because was hiding from some people and their uninvited presence on my blog made me feel violated. after some time, i realized I was really hiding from me. i was hiding my voice, my story, etc.
if those rlr that I dislike and prefer not to visit, show up, thats their business. i choose to hide no longer. i speak the truth and if they dont like it, they can leave. i did not invite them to begin with.
It’s weird how blogs can feel so private and so open at the same time. I’ve thought about this one often. I have several RLR’s I know about and probably a few I don’t. *looks around suspiciously
I dread the day a few of those RLR’s out me to certain people but have resigned myself to its inevitability. Once word gets out…
It’s hard not to think of those “what ifs” and with some, you just know all hell is going to break loose. When that day comes, my public blogging will probably be more guarded than it already is which makes me kind of sad. It was great of you to open some of your pp posts on account of your RLR and in the interest of understanding.
I still waffle. The thought of certain people becoming RLR’s fills me with dread and I want to pp most of my posts screaming “You do not have proper security clearance. Step back or be terminated!” On the other hand, I want them to understand. Maybe I’m hoping the lightbulb will come on and they’ll say, “Ahhh, now I get it.”
Funny how when I started blogging two years ago, I never thought I’d even be thinking of stuff like this.
Great post, Ji-in.
I know certain people read it, but I’m not sure about everyone… Too many lurkers, not enough just sayign something…
I just wanted to say hi here. I really appreciate that your blog is public. I think you have some great points regarding adoption. This is the first time I’ve visited your blog. I’m technically challenged so I don’t have a blog that I use regularly, but I do have a myspace account (which is challenging enough for me)…I’ll send you a hello there too since you’ve posted your link. Btw, I can totally relate to your dialogue about “where are you from?” LOL — I’ve had that conversation too many times with people with similar responses as you, except the adoption part…but people also ask, “I mean, where are you really from, as in your parents?” I’m also a future adoptive parent as my husband and I are adopting from China.
thank goodness for statcounter! =) i’ve given out my blog url to a few close friends but they’re not really into blogs. it doesn’t bug if me if RLRs visit – wysiwyg! it *does* bug me when they deny it or do it undercover. i feel like asking them sneaky ones “do you not realize i can track your ip addresses and know who you are?” *sigh* i’ve got a RLR who has converted from stalker status to one who leaves anonymous mooshy comments recently. disturbing, yet i don’t want to confront him. urgh!
Hi Ji-in,
I find your blog very interesting.
I could somehow relate to your post. I’ve been blogging for a while but I haven’t shared my blog with friends and relatives. Well, not yet. Perhaps, some time later when I feel ready to share it with them.
I discovered how fun it is to keep an online journal. It’s a good way to reflect about life and everything that interlinks.