This questioning that I have is not about trying to re-write the past or to wish that my life had turned out differently. And it is NOT about rejecting my adoptive family and their love (on the contrary, coming to Korea and meeting my birth family brought me closer than ever to my adoptive parents). It is to acknowledge my mother. And it is to acknowledge the thousands of mothers and families that lost something in the process–as well as future birth mothers.They have stories that are worth hearing.(Sarah Kim, Outside In … And Back Again)
If I write or say something critical of adoptive parent attitudes or behaviors, or adoption agencies, or adoption policies, folks rush to the conclusion that I’m one of those “angry” adoptees who hate all adoptive parents and think IA and TRA should be banned.
On the other hand, if I write or say something positive about adoptive parent attitudes or behaviors, or adoption agencies, or adoption policies, folks decide that I’m one of those “happy” adoptees who think IA and TRA is wonderful and should continue.
Like spaces in a crossword puzzle, these clues are mentally penciled in, one after another in an attempt to flesh out the hidden “statement” within.
(Jae Ran, Harlow’s Monkey)
There should be a book for these and/or a website. T-shirts and bumper stickers for smaller quotes?
I’m often floored by eloquence of my fellow adoptees. Who better to say it than those who’ve lived it?
Agreeing with Sume. I too am often in awe of what other adoptees have to say, and how well they say it. I often struggle to express all these emotions in words that make sense to me and to others, and it’s comforting to know after feeling so alone for the majority of my life that there are actually people out there who have experienced in some way, shape or form what I have…and that in face, I’m not alone.
Very eloquently put by both parties. These are the voices that need to be heard. It often seems like the more we learn about the complexities of adoption in general and TRA/IA in particular, the more people try to simplify it. If we group adoptees by “happy” or “angry” we can then tune out the group we don’t want to hear, dismissing them as outliers. Or (as an AP) we can focus on keeping our children in the “happy” camp (‘Here, put on this Qipao, you’ll thank me later’). The thought that our children can love us and still have feelings of ambivalence towards their experience is more than many APs want to deal with.