Finding our own names

In The New York Times, adoptive mom Suzanne Paola reflects on the ways her son Jin, adopted from Korea, has constructed his own unique identity.

My son, at age 8½, changed his name to Penguin S’ Ice, and he has kept that name for almost a year now, un-bratty in his corrections, but adamant.

Paola’s essay serves as a reminder that no matter what parents expect, children can remake their identities in the most unpredictable ways — as Jin Penguin S’ Ice demonstrates.

The “S” stands for … I don’t know. The apostrophe is equally vague but definite. When he is asked what his name is — as kids are a half-dozen times a day — he says, “Penguin” or “Penguin S’ Ice” with a trace of discomfort but no explanation. …

… Sometimes when people encounter his new name, they assume it’s Asian.

“Oh, so that’s your original name?” they ask. “What does it mean?”

He responds with an incredulous look. “It means Penguin.”

When I was in the first grade, I started filling “Kathleen” in the Name blank on the tops of my school papers instead of my given name. “Is that your middle name?” my teacher asked, obviously amused. “Yes,” I lied. My teacher looked in her class roster and discovered that my middle name was not, in fact, Kathleen. She asked me about it the next day. I just shrugged and pretended that I had been “Kathleen” all along.

By the following week, I had changed my name again to Stephanie.

The Year of the Golden Pig

As you might have already heard, this Lunar New Year marks the arrival of the Year of the Golden Pig, supposedly a once-every-600-years occurrence.

Just as weddings were anticipated to spike last year, said to be an auspicious year for marriage, fortunetellers and zodiac enthusiasts believe this coming year will be a particularly auspicious year to give birth. Korean maternity hospitals and baby-centric retail businesses are gearing up for a busy year ahead as Korean couples get busy.

Many Korean news media sources have mentioned that “Golden Pig” babies may help jumpstart the country’s flagging birth rate. (The South Korean government is offering tax breaks, maternity and child care subsidies, and other financial incentives to more, um, prolific couples in hopes of helping to remedy the deficit.)

Amid this speculation about a 2007 baby boom, however, none of the media sources have mentioned Korea’s own waiting children, or financial support for struggling mothers, or that domestic adoption rates remain comparatively low in Korea, even as South Korea’s national economy thrives. In the Year of the Golden Pig, as couples race to conceive a Golden Pig embryo, I wonder how many Koreans will pause to consider adopting a Korean child.

The golden baby rush of ‘07: Let it serve as a reminder of the bizarre and devastating irony of a country with the 10th-strongest economy, and a birth rate among the lowest in the world, whose children continue to be exported abroad.

—–

In other news:

• Hooters has graced Seoul. See how nicely this all works out? Korea sends its children to the United States. America gives back twofold.
• America also makes such valuable contributions to Korean pop culture as Paris Hilt0n, whose style is described as “sophisticated.” *crickets chirping* (Nooooooooooooooooo!)
• And finally, one American export I can get behind: Hot hapa-Korean dreamboat Daniel Henney does the I’m-not-an-adoptee-but-I-play-one-on-film thing, portraying a Korean-born, U.S.-raised adoptee who returns in search of his Korean parents, only to find that his father is on death row. Yes, that’s right, fellow KADs. Korea delivers another “happy adoptee” story. Haha! Ha … ha.Ha.We are a tragic and entertaining species, no?

How to Admit You’re a Racist Loser

(As read about on Angry Asian Man)

File this under “Bad Ideas,” cross-referenced under “Waste of Atoms” and “WTF?”

Put down the Asian p0rn and stop playing with yourselves now, icky Asian-fetishist pod boys! “How to Date an Asian Woman,” a 75-page e-book, is making waves among gullible, nasty, racist white dudes with Yellow Fever, in a greasy, fungi-encrusted, pizza-smeared apartment near you!

Inside the book, the secrets to admitting you’re a racist ass, succumbing to the illusion that you’re god’s gift to the Eastern hemisphere, and fully realizing yourself as a sad, pathetic little perverted man-child.

All Asian women same, all Asian women wish degenerate, racist white fool come sweep us off feet! *demure giggle*

Check this B.S. out:

How to Date an Asian Woman teaches you how to stop blundering and become the every day hero of these exotic enchantresses. It not only reveals where your Asian lover is coming from geographically a, but it also where “she is coming from” psychologically, emotionally and rationally before she considers dating a white male.

As a man who loves Asian women you know that they sexually supreme beings who are just as fierce and erotic as the characters you see on the silver screen and the comic book. You are dying to ask her out, but you worship her so much, that you simply are stuck in a kind of paralyzed servitude. How do you let her know how devoted you would be to you if you could only get the opportunity to lavish her with respect and affection?

Everything you need to know about what makes Asian women tick is compiled here in one concise, easy-to read ebook so that you never get a blank, frosty or contemptuous look from an Asian woman again!

But that’s not all. This is an ebook that understands just how lonely you feel without an Asian partner. Sufferers of so-called “yellow fever” often feel like racists, dirty old men or like outsiders in an American culture. Sometimes there are no words to explain why they feel this irresistible pull to be with women who are Japanese, Chinese, Vietnamese, Malaysian, Cambodian or Thai. This author understands your need to belong to something magnificent, infinitely arousing and spiritually true which is your need for an inter-racial bond.

This book also teaches you the secrets of coming onto her without appearing like a player or a racist …

… And we don’t stop there! To further understand the many faces of the Asian woman that tantalizes and teases you in your dreams. These Ten Erotic Asian Types include:

1. The Book Worm
2. The Glamour Girl
3. The Ice Princess
4. The Geisha Girl
5. The Muse
6. The Little Orphan Girl
7. The Nurturer
8. The School Girl
9. The Super Happy Sex Kitty
10. The Warrior

Of course some of you might be happy enough to entertain these erotic types in the realm of your imagination only, which is a tragedy because almost every every-day Asian women boasts at least two of these ten erotic facets. It’s your loss!

Ladies Exotic enchantresses, come on now, let’s all just admit that we “boast at least two of these ten erotic facets” to make it easier on these fine young gentlemen. Right? Suuuure thing. Come make us swoon, Mr. Delusional Yellow Fever Man!

Get your hearty chuckle for the day by reading the testimonials from so-called readers at the bottom of the page. Then go scrub your eyes with lye. Lather. Rinse.

OK, sure. Repeat.

Segregation Watch ‘07: Survivor

They’re doing it agaaaaaain.

Well, I don’t know for sure if they’re doing it again, but from the looks of the contestant lineup, it appears that “Survivor” may have something of a repeat up its sleeve for its most recent season, from which Korean-American superhero Yul Kwon emerged as the winner after the tribes were segregated by race. Note how “affirmative action” the upcoming season’s roster looks, and you’ll see what I mean.

Will Korean-American Mookie Lee be able to survive Fiji unscathed by Yul Kwon comparisons? Will my girl Stacy Kimball, a fellow Korean adoptee, go transracial and defect to the white tribe? (That was a joke.)

(Sort of.)

And much as I thought when last season’s race-sorting plan was unveiled, I’m left to wonder: Why only four “races”? Were any contestants of mixed race considered, or was that simply too complex for the casting directors to deal with? Indigenous American and Arab-American applicants — did they get nixed outright, or is CBS saving them for a future gimmick?

So, will you be tuning in starting February 8 to find out what “Survivor” has got in store, or boycotting until CBS gets a clue?

Let’s go to the movies

How could I not do a meme that tags Koreans adopted in the ’70s? I’d never be able to sleep soundly again. So here goes Lissy Jo’s movie meme:

1. Name a movie that you have seen more than 10 times. “The Princess Bride”

2. Name a movie that you’ve seen multiple times in the theater. Any of the LOTR trilogy

3. Name an actor that would make you more inclined to see a movie. Johnny Depp

4. Name an actor that would make you less likely to see a movie. Does Jessica Simpson count as an “actor”? If not, then Cameron “The Joker” Diaz annoys the poop out of me.

5. Name a movie that you can and do quote from. Again, that would be “The Princess Bride.” You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means.

6. Name a movie musical that you know all of the lyrics to all of the songs. “West Side Story”

7. Name a movie that have been known to sing along with. See above.

8. Name a movie that you would recommend everyone see. “Spring, Summer, Fall, Winter … and Spring,” by director Kim Ki-Duk

9. Name a movie that you own. “Spirited Away,” one of my favorites

10. Name an actor that launched his/her entertainment career in another medium but who has surprised you with his/her acting chops. Will Smith (What ever happened to DJ Jazzy Jeff?)

11. Have you ever seen a movie in a drive-in? I don’t think so.

12. Ever made out in a movie? Let’s not talk about that.

13. Name a movie that you keep meaning to see but just haven’t yet gotten around to it. “Dreamgirls”

14. Ever walked out of a movie? I don’t think so, but I totally wanted my money back from “Hannibal.”

15. Name a movie that made you cry in the theater. Um, practically every movie ever made with a slightly emotionally engaging plot line. I cry at Disney movies, people.

16. Popcorn? Don’t mind if I do!

17. How often do go to the movies (as opposed to renting them or watching them at home)? At least once a month

18. What’s the last movie you saw in the theater? “Children of Men”

19. What’s your favorite/preferred genre of movie? Who can choose just one? Dramas, as long as the acting doesn’t suck. I’m a sucker for those “foreign” films as well.

20. What’s the first movie you remember seeing in the theater? “The Fox and the Hound.”

I tag everyone who is reading my blog feed right now.

New concept in adoption: Parenting by phone?

From the New York Post:

Africa’s baby adoption march is not halting with Angelina, Madonna and Whoever. Next up, Leonardo DiCaprio. Being wifeless, he does not plan to raise the child, live with the child or endure any long nights rocking it to sleep. His support will be a monthly check. While in South Africa making “Blood Diam0nd,” he met a little girl from an orphanage. Played with her, talked with her, became fascinated by her. He’s now “adopted” her, and parenting will continue by phone.