We all have different opinions of Oprah, and I stated mine. Everyone is free to agree or disagree, both or neither. It’s true — we all have our survival tactics, and as Oprah is a billionaire with a poweful media empire, she’d have a long way to fall. Like I said, I’m not questioning her potential as a role model as a successful, self-made business woman. Obviously, she does what is best for her business and her ratings.

I still do not concede that Toby had it coming, though, or that it was part of the bargain of coming on the show. For adoptees, birth family relationships are often extremely fragile — as they often are with their adoptive families as well. As is illustrated often in the news media and popular media, however, adoptees are expected to be nothing but “grateful” to both parties. This leaves very little room for the more nuanced human emotions that come along with adoption and birth family reunions. I still think it was cheap of O to slap Toby and his parents on the show for 10 minutes, “surprise” them with his Korean father, and then fade out to the applause and praise of the audience. This is not the sensitive and thought-provoking coverage she enjoys lavishing on other causes and issues deemed Oprah-worthy.

On another topic:
Thanks for your comments, Heather. Just a quick note to everyone, however: I do not write about my racialized experiences with the intent of comparing my experiences to others’, or to imply that mine were “worse than” the next person’s.

Heather, regarding your “BUT” statement, I am not sure if you are ashamed of the Asian people of whom you speak, or ashamed of the white measuring stick against which people of color are measured in white nations. I think that for many people of color — perhaps Asians especially — trying to be accepted as/by whites is also a survival tactic. Certainly many of my transracially adopted Asian friends agree. Although it is no longer my method of choice, most of us have at one time or another used it so that we may survive in the truest sense of the word. I think it becomes a problem for Asians, however, when the endeavor to cover ethnicity and pass as white alienates us as a minority group from other people of color, where we could potentially find much strength and solidarity in many ways.

As for your wish to meet an Indian woman to befriend, is there a reason you have targeted Indian women? I don’t think that all Indians or Indian women are racist toward blacks. There is absolutely a great deal of racism among people of color toward other POC; racism isn’t merely a white trait, to be sure. However, if I got the impression that another person was trying to befriend me because s/he was looking for a Korean friend, I’d probably be rather wary of that person.